We are back with another installment of our Stories of Hope Series! With the goal of spotlighting the real lives and faces of immigrants in the US, we are excited to share Rafael’s story, who grew up in Mexico with a Chilean background.
Life in Mexico
Born in Mexico, Rafael’s family originally comes from Santiago, Chile. Escaping the dictatorship regime in the seventies, his parents left Chile in search of a better life. Thinking back to his father’s stories, he describes how “my dad had to jump the wall of the embassy and ask for political asylum, and that’s the reason I was born and raised in Mexico.”
Rafael’s childhood in Mexico was wonderfully unique. “I was raised between parks, museums, art, cinema, and music. My mom used to bring us to the museums on weekends when we were kids. We didn’t have that much money because of the situation in Chile then, so the way to do fun stuff was at the park on Saturdays and museums on Sundays. Sundays, all the museums in Mexico City are free.” As a result, Rafael’s childhood was filled with amazing food, art, and history.
One of his fondest memories is being in the kitchen with his friends as a teenager, cooking together to save money and create their own dishes and dinners. Now, years later, Rafaerl is a professional chef, taking the lessons he learned in childhood into adulthood.
Reflecting on his childhood in Mexico, he says “It’s a beautiful environment, where I grew up. I grew up among a lot of women because my parents split when I was four and my dad moved to Australia. So my mom raised us in the whole community of Chileans that were living there.” Surrounded by a super strong circle of women, with their husbands, boyfriends, and the rest of the family, Rafael was not just raised by his mother, but twenty to thirty strong women in his community. “They just decided to raise us together, so I have three brothers, they aren’t my blood brothers or adopted, but we spent our entire childhoods together.” The community would take turns caring for each other. One week the kids would be at one house, the other house the next. One family would cook the food for everyone, the next another family would. “It was a really beautiful, healthy environment. I really appreciate that. I have a special respect for women and the friendship with parents because it really gave me a beautiful perspective on life.”
Once Rafael grew up, he moved to Chile at age seventeen, to see where his family originally came from. He decided to attend university there, to study acting, but ultimately he found that it was not his place, his home. His home was the one his mother had worked so hard to create for him in Mexico City. Jokingly, Rafael describes how “they say that Hawaii is the belly bottom of the world. Well, in Chile, they say that the Chile is the ass of the world.” Being so remote from everything he grew up used to, he decided to pack his bags and move again.
Coming to the United States
In the following years, he ping-ponged between countries and cities. First, he returned to Mexico from Chile. Then he moved to Cuba. Then back to Mexico. Then he spent a few years in Italy, returned to Mexico, and then finally made the move to the United States, for the first time.
He first came to the US seven years ago, in 2017. He was inspired to make the change after “I fell in love with a girl in Mexico from Portland, Oregon.” To see her again, he started to visit her in the US. Eventually, it turned out she needed a chef in California, so Rafael began working as a private chef and commuting between California and Mexico, three months at a time.
Eventually, Rafael moved on to become an instructor for a building company. He spent his days traveling the world to do workshops, but, the job never resulted in a long-term visa. Rafael constantly had to make sure he wasn’t overstaying during his visits and frequently returned to Mexico. In his second year in this new country, he was teaching a workshop in Baja, California, and that’s when his life fully changed.
He met his future wife, Heather, who was a student in the workshop. First, he was hesitant to act on their connection; “She was my student and that sounds terrible. I could feel the energy, but I didn’t want legal troubles.” It took Rafael’s older brother to say “I’m going to tell you the truth. That’s the woman of your life. And it’s so obvious. Even though nothing has happened yet, you can put in the work for the woman of your life.” So Rafael knew he had to go for it.
Their relationship began to flourish, and that’s how Rafael first came to Atlanta. As a flight attendant, Heather was able to easily travel and so they started living in Mexico City together as their home base. “We had a beautiful, huge house in front of a park. It was an amazing place in the city where I grew up.” In the next few years, Rafael would travel for his workshops and Heather would travel for her flights. But, when COVID hit, everything became more real. They announced the closing of the borders and Rafael panicked, “Okay, I’m not going to be able to come back. So what do, what shall we do?” So, they decided to move to Atlanta and make that their new home base. Quickly gathering up their things in Mexico City, like their most precious belongings and their dogs, Rafael made the move to the US.
But it isn’t easy uprooting your life like that, especially after calling Mexico City home base for so long. “We had to do an open house and sell all of my stuff. All except 15 packages, luggage, tools, and some other important stuff.” Deciding what to keep and what to donate or sell was difficult. “All of Heather’s clothes were there and we had to arrange everything, what to get rid of, what to keep.” And then there was the question of how to get it all to the US. Luckily, they were able to take advantage of Heather’s benefits as a flight attendant and traveled with all of their luggage without issues. “We just flew with like 16 luggages to Hawaii,” Rafael recounts. “I don’t recommend moving 15 pieces of luggage at an airport, even if you’re with another person.”
Reflecting on how he felt when leaving Mexico behind, in a time where it felt more final than before, Rafael says “It was sad, of course. Leaving a beautiful life behind, in a beautiful house. There was a lot of life in that house. And I had a beautiful life with Heather there too, in that house.” Not only would Rafael miss the house, “but also my best friend, he’s my brother and he’s there. He was heartbroken, and that was hard for me.” However, change is not only tough but allows room for growth. “Now we were starting our own house, our own life, from our own decision, in Hawaii, and that doesn’t sound that bad.”
At that point, Rafael and Heather were already engaged and planning to get married. With the borders closing and no real long-term plans, they made the next jump: to get married. That way, they could stay together in the US and begin the process for Rafael to get a permanent visa, rather than constantly having to travel between the US and Mexico.
“We’re like, okay, let’s get married. That way you can stay and we can start to do everything legally.” But, of course, it was important to Rafael that Heather know that that was not the basis of their love and marriage; “I want to marry you not for documents. I don’t care about those things. I asked you to marry for love.” That’s when the scramble for wedding plans began. First, they thought they could go to Las Vegas, but with the lockdown soon approaching, their options were limited. Once they were ready to tie the knot, they were told that the courthouse was only doing Zoom weddings, but that they could get married as soon as tomorrow.
So, two days later, Rafael and Heather said “I do” on Zoom. With only 48 hours to inform their family and friends of the good news, it was an unexpected wedding, but it was a wonderful day of joy, building the foundation for Rafael to build his life together with Heather in the United States.
Calling America Home & Evolving Identities
When asked if he feels at home here, Rafael had an insightful perspective on the sense of belonging. “I do feel like I belong here. But it’s funny, I always have the feeling that I belong to one place and I don’t belong to any place because of how my life has been. I came from a dictatorship, that was passed on to me. And I have lived in so many places and I belong to those places and at the same time I don’t. Even in Mexico, I don’t feel that way. I was born in Mexico, but if you look at me, I don’t look Mexican at all. So I do belong here, and I feel that I belong more and more now because this time I am spreading my roots.”
When he first started having true feelings of belonging, he started making connections in his new community. But not only that, but also starting the immigration process and, when Tracie reminded him that he now has his work authorization, “it was my first time to say that I am legal here, that I belong. I don’t have to hide. I don’t have to figure out how to be paid or how to bring money to Mexico. Now I can pay taxes and everything I do is legal.”
Rafael also does believe his identity has changed over the years, from leaving his home country and building a new life here, as well as traveling to many countries and cities over the years. For example, now having spent so much time in the US and adjusting to the culture here, his perspective of the Mexican culture has shifted. “In the states, everything is a lot more tighter in many things, like the legal stuff, and you have to do things correctly. In Mexico, there’s always the backdoor way, for everything, for whatever you want to do, there’s always a way. So that changed a lot on my way to see life, that changed me.” Of course, it’s an adjustment, learning how one culture functions versus another, and after you’ve adapted, you may even experience a reverse culture shock when returning to your home country; “I found myself annoyed by things that don’t work in Mexico. When I go visit, I get annoyed with things. Simple things, like when people don’t put the blinker to change lanes when they’re driving.”
Language also has played a big role in Rafael’s identity. “I have my accent and I have my funny way to build the sentence. Sometimes it’s probably not the correct way, but I can communicate, but it’s been a big thing. Sometimes it’s like I’m hiding still, and I think I’m going to continue doing it all my life, because of my language.” But even so, Rafael has accepted that part of his identity, especially since he was never formally taught English; “It’s really hard because I learned it on the street, I learned it traveling, I never learned it in school. So, it’s hard, I make a lot of mistakes, but there are some things that I can’t change.” And, of course, now Heather is learning his language, so they have the shared experience of learning a second language. They have each other’s support with the struggles, “That’s why I always say, it’s no worries if you make mistakes. You need to make those mistakes.”
Community and Immigrants
When asked what message Rafael wanted to share with the community about immigrants, he had a powerful message.
“I think that is beautiful to be an immigrant. There shouldn’t be borders; we should all just share the world. That’s my experience as an immigrant. I’ve been an immigrant all my life, even when I was in Mexico, which was my country. But it wasn’t my country according to other Mexicans. I am not Mexican, in their eyes. So I’m a kind of immigrant or a son of immigrants. And it’s a beautiful life story. I created the community I have.
I have three brothers that they’re not my brothers. I have uncles that they’re not my blood uncles, but they’re more uncles than my blood. I have an amazing wife right here that is not from my country. So being an immigrant is great.
Even my mother, who is in her seventies, as an immigrant and in exile, decided to stay in Mexico even when they opened the border in Chile. But after seventeen years of dictatorship, she decided to stay in Mexico and she make her own life there.
It’s really hard to choose to stay away from your home country because my family is over there. I have to sacrifice that to have this life experience. And on one side, it’s really hard, but at the same time, it’s amazing because I create another family. I created something bigger, I have two cultures in my life. And that’s beautiful.”